


Force of Attraction

by Celestialheartmage



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-08-28 22:32:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 19,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8465473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celestialheartmage/pseuds/Celestialheartmage
Summary: Kylo Ren and Rey find it incredibly difficult to hate each other. They're not used to someone genuinely caring. The force of attraction between the two is just so strong. Could this be love eventually? Rated T. May change eventually.





	1. Chapter 1

**Hello People! I don't usually write Star Wars, but I figured I had to write this before we know whether or not Rey and Kylo Ren are related. (I honestly hope they're not) I usually write Labyrinth fics, so this will be a new experience. This doesn't mean I'm giving up on my other** **pic, just taking a rather long sabbatical. Please review. Feedback is so helpful**

**-Abbs**

* * *

Rey knew she should hate him. She didn't need the force to figure that out. What she did need the force for was figuring out why she didn't hate him. He killed his father, maimed her friend, yet somehow she just couldn't hate him. Instead, she found herself thinking about him and the things she sensed while he interrogated her: the sadness, the pain, the anger. And then, later when he asked her to join him: the loneliness. She should be planning ways to take him down, but she couldn't.

"This must be how General Organa feels," she muttered. All she could think about were his eyes, the way they softened just a little bit when he took his mask off and looked at her. She knew then that she would save him. She had to save him. Kylo Ren was just the mask he wore. Ben was still there, behind the mask, just waiting to be set free. She knew it wouldn't be easy, then again, nothing worth doing rarely is, however she was not a quitter. She was a fighter, and she would fight for him.

* * *

He hated her. She had beaten him. She wasn't even a trained Jedi. She had refused him. She had scarred him, and yet he couldn't stop thinking about her. He had seen a loneliness in her that had matched his own. He had connected with her. The second he took off his mask he had fallen prey to her eyes, the life that was in them. Why had he listened to her? Why had he taken his mask off, shown her the real him? It's so much easier to be intimidating behind a mask. It's safer for him. He doesn't have to connect to the person searching and failing to see through the mask. But he connected with her. She was special. He could sense it. Oh yes, he hated her. He hated the fact that he couldn't have her. She was light and he was dark. You can't have one without the other, but you can't have bother at the same time. He knew that. So, because he could never have her, he decided to hate her, because that would make it easier to destroy her. To destroy the threat she proved herself to be. He needed to focus on beating her. He couldn't afford to think of what could be if they were different people, if he were just Ben. But no, Ben was gone. He had to believe that he was gone. He made a choice long ago, and there could be no turning back.


	2. Dream Encounter

Kylo Ren had been in and out of consciousness as the medical droids worked on him. Once they finished, they had him moved back to his room and he succumbed to a fitful sleep.

* * *

Rey had reached her home base and watched with hollow eyes as they took Finn away. He had to get better. He couldn't die on her now. From the corner of her eye she saw General Organa approach. Emotions hit her as she remembered Han Solo's unfortunately demise at the hands of his only son. Tears pricked her eyes as the general hugged her.

"You've had a long day. You should rest, Rey. You've got a long journey ahead of you," General Organa advised. Rey was dubious of her ability to fall asleep after all that had happened that day, but she went to her room and crawled into bed nonetheless. She thought about him. His deep brown eyes, the warmth she had seen there. Before she knew it, fatigue had taken over and she too had fallen asleep.

* * *

Kylo Ren was dreaming. He was sitting in his own self-induced void of nothingness. Creativity wasn't the first thing on his mind when he needed to sort through things. He had much to sort through. They were mostly emotions; terrible emotions that -unless they were anger- proved that he was still human. He felt guilt and remorse for his father's death. He felt lonely in this world. No one loved him. No one from Ben's life wanted him to succeed. Right now, even he had doubts if he wanted to succeed. He saw his goal clearly, but the path to get there was wrought with obstacles and showed to be a cold, hard path that he would have to walk alone. Not to mention, he didn't know what he would do once he got to the top, either. Then, there was Rey. If he reached the top then he definitely won't have her. There would be too much of a gap between them. Hell, why did he care anyway? She was just a scavenger. A scavenger who was beautiful and his match in more ways than one. Suddenly, blinding white light appeared, causing him to shield his eyes. When the light dissipated, Rey was there.

* * *

Rey looked around at all the nothingness and frowned. This is not what she usually dreamed about. Her dreams had more... color. As if on cue, the area around her changed into her room on base. Well, something was better than nothing. Then, she saw him.

* * *

"You're alive!" She exclaimed. Kylo sensed shock, but underneath it was a strong sense of relief.

"No thanks to you. Why the hell am I dreaming about you?" Kylo mused out loud. She walked over to him and sat next to him. She tentively reached out to touch his face. He flinched away from her.

"Don't touch me," he growled.

"Does it hurt a lot?"

"What are you doing here?" He asked with frustration.

"I don't know. I went to bed and when I closed my eyes I was back in my AT-AT. Then a blinding white light appeared and I was here, "she responded without interest.

"I see. What were you thinking about before you fell asleep?" He asked. He saw her face flush slightly pink.

"I was just wondering if they got to you before the explosion. You know, see if I was lucky enough to not have to deal with you anymore. Now I have my answer," she replied grimly.

"Rule number one of being a Jedi: Don't think about anything before you go to sleep. If you think of someone then you'll end up in their dreams," he told her. What he didn't tell her was that the other person had to be thinking of them as well.

"It's quite unfortunate that I can't kill you in my dreams. It'd make my life so much easier," Kylo ground out as he stood up.

"You feel guilty about killing your father. You're trying to hate me instead to get your mind off it. Anger fuels you. Yet somehow, I feel like you don't actually hate me," she said as she stood to face him. She saw his hands ball into fists and before she knew it he had swung around to pin her against the wall.

"Don't talk to me about my emotions. You know nothing," he growled at her. Although he was projecting anger, she felt the hurt lying underneath.

"I have things to do. Don't dream about me again. You won't like it if you do," he warned.

"Wait, Ben!" she called after him. Suddenly, he faded from view and Rey was left alone to deal with her own emotions. She looked back to where he had stood and sighed. She shook her head and woke herself up. She had a Jedi Master to find.

 


	3. Renewed Determination

_Ben._  She had called him Ben. What right did  _she_  have to use that name? What right had anyone to call him that? Ben was dead. Han Solo should have just left things alone. Maybe he might still be alive if he had. Kylo Ren had killed his own father. No. He hadn't killed his father, he killed Han Solo. Han Solo meant nothing to him. He had to try to eradicate any sense of Ben he had left. That was one of the hardest challenges he needed to overcome. He should've been proud, but he wasn't. Instead he felt the need to unleash his anger and frustration with his light saber. He was angry that it was hard for him to choose to kill Han Solo. He was angry that even afterward he felt a twinge of guilt as his father had caressed his face with whatever energy he had left as he died. He was frustrated that he still had light trying to peak through. His mind was a battleground between light and dark, but he could not let light win. Ben could not win. He had already started to unravel. He had to fight to cling onto whatever darkness was inside him. He wanted to be consumed by it. Why couldn't anyone see that? Why must they interfere? It'll only end badly for them. Kylo Ren did not care. He would do anything deemed necessary to make his grandfather proud. She meant nothing to him. This was all her fault. Ever since he met that stupid scavenger everything in his life became complicated. The dark void he had become turned into a muted gray. She would be his undoing. She was a nothing, a nobody, and yet she dared to call him Ben. She sounded so desperate, so sweet. A part of him liked it, and that was why he hated her.

* * *

 

Rey found her mind drifting as she flew the Millennium Falcon with Chewwie at her side. They were on autopilot for a few hours so she could afford to lose focus for a bit. Ben had told her never to call him in a dream again. He had flinched when she touched him. He was like a beast, feral and wild. She had faced the monster in the woods, she had faced something else entirely in her dreams. What was she to do now?

"Chewwie, I'm going to go get something to eat. Can you take the first watch?" Rey asked. Chewwie roared back an affirmative and Rey moved to go sit at the table. She pulled out a water-made bread ration and watched as it hydrated in front of her eyes. She felt like she was on her home planet of Jakku. No, Jakku wasn't her home planet. She was left there. She didn't know where her true home was. Then again, people had said that home was with people who loved you. Rey didn't exactly have that either. She was alone. No, not really. She had her friends. She had Finn, Poe, Chewwie, General Organa, and BB-8. They were like a makeshift family. They cared about each other, wasn't that what families did? Then again, she cared about Ben Solo, did that make them family? No. She supposed it did not. Besides, she felt differently towards him than she did the others. She had been thinking about him constantly, she felt drawn to him in a way that she never felt before. Something stirred in her chest when she looked at him; it made her chest tighten like Jabba the hut sat on it. She thought back to their last fight in the real world. He had asked her to go with him. Something had seemed different about his request; his voice was a mix of emotions. She had sensed a feeling of want, loneliness, and vulnerability. He had tried and she had rejected him. He had been vulnerable. He was just a man, not the monster he pretended to be. She needed him to see that. She needed to show him that he was still good. She returned back to the cockpit and sat next to Chewwie with a new determination to set Ben straight.


	4. Necessary Hardships

Rey watched as the Millennium Falcon pulled up onto a rocky island in the middle of a vast expanse of ocean. She had never seen so much water in her whole life. It was in stark contrast to her life on Jakku. This planet seemed almost like the complete opposite. When the Falcon landed she raced out onto the rocky island with R2-D2 and Chewwie trailing close behind.

"You two stay here. I'm going to go look for Luke Skywalker," she told them as she bounded up the cliff. She was so close. She could feel the strong energy of someone powerful. This only spurred her on, making her go faster. Eventually she reached the top of a cliff and saw a figure cloaked in brown standing on the edge. Slowly, the figure turned and locked her into his blue gaze. She felt as though she would drown in his eyes, the memories they seemed to hold. He bore the look of a man who had seen things he could never unsee; done things he could never take back, and maybe never really fix. She saw something else in his eyes. She saw recognition. She pulled out the light saber and offered it to him with a small sense of uncertainty. Would he actually train her? He had gone into hiding and hadn't trained anyone since Ben. What made her think she would be different, that she would be accepted? A long pause ensued. Eventually, his lips quirked into a slight smile.

"I have been waiting for you," he said.

"Do you know what happened?" She asked.

"Yes. The loss of my friend is unfortunate, and is a burden I have bared every day since I felt his loss through the force. That is why I have made up my mind to train you. It is up to you to save my nephew, and in turn, maybe save us all," he replied with a solemn air. He began to walk away from her and continue down the path she had just climbed.

"You didn't come alone. Good. I've missed my droid's comments. I'm glad he was able to help you find me. It will be nice to see Chewwie again, too. We'll start your training tomorrow. First, we'll go fetch them and have something to eat and something warm to drink. The ocean air can make you quite cold, I've found," he told her. Rey had a feeling that this wasn't going to be easy, but she knew it was a necessary hardship that she would overcome.

* * *

Kylo Ren had felt a disturbance in the force. It was as if two cells had merged into one bigger cell. So she had found his Uncle, interesting. His wounds felt better, but his head felt worse. He was thinking too much, thinking about her. He had tried everything to clear his mind, but nothing worked. The more he thought about her, the more his chest throbbed in pain. It was almost as if his heart was trying to wake up out of a dead sleep. His patience with himself was growing thin. He grabbed his lightsaber and proceeded to a training area. He hit the button and heard a whoosh as it ignited and came to life, the red light crackled and popped. It reminded him of how he felt when he was with her. It was unstable. So was he. She ignited something in him that he had thought he would never see again- no, something he hoped he would never see again. Ben. A sliver was peaking through; a small part of his coal black heart was getting lighter. This made him incredibly angry. He swung his lightsaber and began destroying the practice targets in the room. It wasn't enough. He needed her, but he couldn't have her. If he couldn't have her, he needed to destroy her. If Kylo Ren didn't destroy her, he knew that she would destroy him.

 


	5. Tired

It had been a couple of weeks since Rey had first found Luke Skywalker on his planet of exile, and things had not gotten easier with time. She was mentally and physically drained from training almost everyday with the force. Her master was relentless, but she knew she could not afford to waste time. General Organa was counting on her. Finn was counting on her. She had to save them all. She had to save Ben.  _Ben_. She hadn't thought about him really since she arrived here. She had been too busy to really think about him. And now, she was thinking about him when she was supposed to be meditating.

"Your mind is not clear, Padawan. Meditation is the first step to being able to open your mind to see the whole galaxy. Breathe deeply, feel your lungs expand and your mind go blank. Clear your mind, and the rest will follow," Luke coached her from his seated position next to her. She breathed deeply and started again. She became hyperaware of her body's actions as she felt her mind slip away from her. She found herself in a peaceful state where she felt one with herself. Mentally she was alone, one small tiny speck of sand in a universe of many grains. She was insignificant, really, but she didn't feel like it. She felt as though she mattered, as though she could make a difference. She felt free to fly.  _Free._  That was something she never truly felt before.

"Padawan, that is enough meditation for today. Go get some sleep. You'll need it for tomorrow," Luke told her. She felt the absence of warmth at her side as he left her presence and she opened her eyes to stare out at the dark night as the wind whipped her hair, threatening to undo her triple buns. She slowly eased herself up from her seated position, feeling her calves burn from the strain of the movement. She remembered the story Master Luke told her of his master having Master Luke carry him around on his back. She couldn't begin to imagine having to tote Master Luke around like that. Her back ached at the mere thought of it. Slowly she made her way back to her sparse room in Master Luke's underground dwellings. She practically collapsed on her bed, wondering about Ben as she quickly fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

Kylo Ren had had a long day. Every day seems like a long day when you breathe the same air as a bunch of idiots incapable of doing their jobs. How hard was it to capture an X-Wing fighter? You simply aimed the tractor beam and shoot, drawing them closer until you can take them into the ship. Yet somehow, Hux and his men failed to even accomplish one of the most simplest tasks. How he got stuck with Hux, he feared he'd never know. Perhaps it was his punishment for letting the girl and the droid slip through his fingers despite all his efforts and the upper hand he had had. That girl would pay for what she was doing to him, for all the moments he lost thinking about her face. She was burned into his memory, when he closed his eyes, he saw her. He wanted her. He needed her. He couldn't have her. He punched the wall outside his room in his frustration. He welcomed the pain. It anchored him. He walked into his chambers and began to strip himself of the black mask he wore. He felt the light hit his face as he relished the feeling for the briefest of seconds before continuing to strip for bed. Kylo Ren had always had a precarious relationship with the force. He was drawn to both the light and the dark, however he had chosen one over the other. He was Balance, he was hope, he was fear. He was everything. In this moment he envied the scavenger, her ability to strongly be drawn to only one side and not have a daily battle to stay who she was. For Kylo Ren, everyday was a war in his mind to not lose everything he had gained by choosing the dark side. He clung onto his anger and his fear. They made him stronger. However, he couldn't deny that she gave him peace of mind when he thought about her. Her light illuminated him and threatened to light his soul on fire. He couldn't let that happen, he thought as he climbed into bed and went to sleep.

* * *

Rey was in the darkness again. She knew what she would find there when she wished for a change of surroundings. She would find him, sitting there in self-loathing like last time. Only this time, she would make headway with him. With that thought in mind, she began to change her surroundings. Suddenly they were in a bedroom with gold walls that reflected the lights and a plush red canopy bed in the center.

"I told you not to think of me," he growled. She didn't sense anger radiating off him, though. She felt relief, peace, and want.

"I was curious," she replied.

He stood up and stalked toward her, she backed up until she was back up against a wall. He leaned his arms on either side of her face, caging her in.

* * *

"Curiosity killed the cat," he said with a smirk. He held her intense gaze for a few seconds before he turned away from her and began to pace. He could feel his body gravitate toward her. He needed to get some distance and regain his composure.

"What are you really doing here?" He asked again.

"I wanted to see you," she hesitantly replied.

"You're even more foolish than I thought. Why would you want to see me? I killed Han Solo and from what I've seen, your beloved Finn is still in a coma." Rey winced at the harshness of his words. They cut like daggers in her chest, but she could not back down.

"You wanted to see me, too, Ben. Master Luke said that for someone to enter a dream, the other person has to be thinking about them as well," she ventured. He smirked,  _so my secret from our last meeting is out in the open, however there's still a problem I need to address_.

"Do not call me that name. That man is dead. You will be too if you use it again," he warned.

"He isn't dead. He's standing in front of me. He's just conflicted and confused and..." Rey searched for the right word as she grabbed ahold of his arm, "hurt. You're hurt." Kylo Ren turned toward her and looked down at where her small hand grasped his large arm. Warmth radiated where their skin touched. It felt... nice, comforting. Kylo Ren swatted her hand away.

"You know nothing."

"Really? Then enlighten me," Rey challenged as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. She looked up at him with a fire in her gaze to show that she wouldn't be backing down. Kylo Ren sighed. She looked so beautiful with that look of determination. How was he supposed to say no? Instead, he sat down on the bed. He wasn't going to run from her this time. He was tired of running.

 


	6. Bare

Kylo Ren patted the spot next to him on the bed. Rey hesitated to sit down, but the way he looked up at her with a sense of vulnerability made her realize that he wouldn't hurt her for now. So she sat. They sat in an uncomfortable silence for what felt like hours before he spoke.

"You probably know by now, but I wasn't always like this. _Ben_  cared for things other than himself. He was a Padawan. Then, he learned the truth about the lies he had been told by the people he trusted most. Lies about his grandfather. They told him that he was a Jedi, but that was only half the story. One day, Ben found a mask. It was broken and old, but it called to him. When he touched it, he felt...power. Power surged through him and he saw things. Visions of a man in power, a man who wanted to rule the galaxy with his son, but his son turned him away. His son fought him and in the end took away the man's dream. Then, Ben met Supreme Leader Snoke who introduced him to Kylo Ren. I killed Ben. I needed to finish what Darth Vader started. I live a life of anger, fear, and hate."

"You speak as though you're two different people," Rey said incredulously as she got off the bed and looked at the wall.

"Because we might as well be. He is light and hope. I... I'm darkness and fear. And I won because the darkness was stronger."

"You said it ' _was_ ' stronger. Is it not anymore?" She questioned as she turned to look at him.

"These days, it's a constant battle," he replied as he leaned back on the bed with a sigh. In that moment, she felt sorry for him. She had been right, he was conflicted. He was a tragic hero.

* * *

"I'm not a tragic hero," he growled as he got up and crossed over to her, "and you still know nothing. I do not want your pity. I didn't tell you this for sympathy. I told you because you asked. You make me feel things that I don't want to feel. You are my opposite. You are light, you are freedom. You remind me of everything Ben was, what I can't be."

"Why can't you be it?" She asked softly.

"Because I made my choice. I owe it to my grandfather to finish what he started. I  _will_  make him proud," he said with a look of fire in his eyes as he towered over her.

"The man you worship isn't your grandfather. His name was Anakin Skywalker. He was a Jedi. He grew up alone until the Force found him and he was trained. He fell in love with a Queen. They were married and he was happy for a time before he fell to the dark side and was killed by Vader. Vader  _was not_  your grandfather," she frantically told him. For every word she said he took a step toward her until she was trapped. She swallowed and looked away. She was right. He was conflicted and hurt. He was a broken man, much like his grandfather. His grandmother had tried to fix his grandfather with her love.  _Love._  Not familial love, but passionate love that threatened to consume. That was something Kylo Ren had never felt before.

* * *

"What is love?" He murmured as he cupped her cheek to turn her face towards him.

"It's an emotion that both of us are forbidden to feel by the codes that bind us," she whispered as she looked at the man in front of her. His eyes burned with something she hadn't expected to see, passion.

"I can take what I want," he whispered as he rested his head on her forehead.

His closeness unnerved her. She should feel disgust, but instead she felt comfort. His warmth radiated through her and the thought that she wanted more terrified her.

"Don't be afraid, I feel it, too," he told her as he kissed her forehead. He wanted her, she could feel it. She could feel the battle within him to not just take complete control of her.

"Why?" She asked him.

"Why what?"

"Why do you want me? I thought I was your enemy. I thought you hated me and wanted me dead." Kylo Ren moved away from her and began to pace.

"I do hate you. Want to know why? Because I can't stop thinking about you. You're burned into my mind, and thinking about you gives me peace. You make it so much harder to cling onto the darkness inside of me. I want you, and I hate you for it and I don't know what it'll take to make it stop, to make me stop wanting you."

"Ben-"

"Don't call me that. I was an idiot to tell you all this. And I was a fool to think about you. You are my weakness, and I can't have weaknesses. So watch your back, Rey. I will find you and I will fight you. The next time we meet in real life, only one of us will leave," he threatened. He shook his head at himself. Rey couldn't stand it any longer. She knew the anger was him trying to regain control. He said Ben was dead, but he was still there. He was dangerously close to losing his inner battle and succumbing to the dark side just to avoid feeling. The fact that there was still even a battle proved that he could still be saved. She was going to save him. This was her opportunity and she was going to take it. He hadn't left yet, for some reason.  _That must mean something_ , she thought.

Kylo Ren's back was still to Rey as she crossed the distance between them and hugged him from behind. She felt him stiffen in her arms, but she just held him tighter until he relaxed.

"You were right. I am scared, because if I can be attracted to you and care about you, then does that mean that I don't care about the bad things that have happened? Finn was my first friend, and he and Han Solo mean the world to me. I feel like a part of me is betraying them for feeling this way, but another part of me doesn't care. I want you. If I am your weakness, then you are mine."

* * *

Kylo Ren turned around to look at her. This beautiful creature had bared her soul to him just as he had to her. In this dream world, they were connected like he had never been with anyone else. He didn't care about what would happen when he woke up, all he cared about was the here and now. With that in mind he cupped her face and kissed her. He kissed her tentively at first; he could feel her freeze in shock. He was about to pull away, convinced that he had read her wrong and that kissing her had been a mistake, but then he felt her start to kiss back. His lips tilted into a smirk and he kissed her with more passion. He was drowning and she was his air. They were panting as they pulled away.

"It's almost morning. I should go," she told him.

"Rey, wait-" He called out to her, but it was too late. She had already faded away. With her went the color of the room and he was left alone in the darkness.

* * *

**A/N: So... Yeah. Kinda didn't know where I was going with this one for a while. Reviews on this highly appreciated.**


	7. Different

Rey awoke in a breathless stupor. Kylo Ren had kissed her, and she had kissed him back. She touched her fingertips to her lips, surprised to find the warmth of his lips barely lingering. It had been a dream, it wasn't real. It couldn't be real, but it felt incredibly real, remarkably real. She felt something stirring in her chest at the memory of him, of the way he looked at her. He saw her, not her power in the force for once. His hands on her face had felt familiar, had felt right. But he was  _so_  wrong. He was darkness, she was light. He was older, more experienced, and she, well she was almost ten years younger and free. The constraints of reality hadn't crushed her yet. Years of waiting for a family that never came hadn't killed her spirit like years of anger had suppressed his. She  _had_  been right; Ben was still in there. She just had to keep chipping away until he was free from the cage of darkness that had surrounded his soul.

* * *

Kylo Ren sighed and opened his eyes. He had kissed her, and he wanted to do it again. With the touch of their lips, memories had flooded back to him. Memories of what seemed like another life,  _Ben's_  life. He had seen a young girl, a Padawan child with three small buns.  _Rey_. He had seen her. He had known her, back in the days when Kylo Ren was just a single dark thought in a colorful mind. Rey had always been his biggest fan, the young girl had followed him everywhere, had looked up to him, had needed him when no one else cared. Now, he needed her. Their connection in their youth had been strong. He had loved her like no one else in the Jedi Academy; she was his Rey of sunshine. Wherever he went, she had followed, confident that she would be up to the challenges he would face. She never wanted him to feel alone, but he had left her alone. He had left her on that waste planet of Jakku, had left her to be tormented by visions of the family she awaited yet never had. It was all his fault. He had spared her, and now his past was entwined in his future. This will never do. He needed to hate her, but how? She had listened to him, she had actually cared. She had brought color into his world, and she had taken it with her when she left. What if they could be together? What if they were meant to be together?  _What_   _if_. Those two little words had the ability to destroy it all.

* * *

Rey had been awake for hours now; it had been mentally exhausting to hide her secret from Master Luke. All she wanted to do was tell him about Ben and see if he could make any sense of it, but she didn't know how he would take to the idea of her meeting with her enemy in her dreams. So instead, she repressed the memory every time it threatened to bubble up to the surface. She was sitting in front of a fire with Master Luke. Today was the day he was to teach her how to use the Jedi power of farsight.

"The purpose of farsight is so you can see what is going on in different parts of the galaxy without leaving where you are. It is incredibly useful to keep up to date, but fairly useless when it comes to being involved in the events. No matter where you choose to go, just remember that they cannot see, feel, or hear you. Understand?" Luke asked her. She nodded in response.

"Good. Now, you must begin as if you are meditating. Once you reach a state of peace, visualize what you want to see. If it's a person you seek, create a strong mental image of them. If it's a place, feel as though you are there, feel the heat of the sun if it's a desert or the cutting cold if it's a place like Hoth. Keep in the moment and focus on what's happening or you're apt to lose it and come spiraling back. Try it."

Rey closed her eyes and decided to see what Ben was up to. She focused hard on his face, on the scar from the wound she inflicted, of the depth of his eyes. She thought of his black robes and how his cape swirled behind him as he walked. Suddenly, her image of him became muddled as scenery was added. Then, just as quickly as the haze had descended, it was gone and her image was crystal clear. He was standing with his back toward her. He was so close she could have reached out and touched him. She turned to take in her surroundings. She appeared to be in a practice arena for combat skills. Targets littered the arena; she could smell the smoky singed aroma of the destroyed targets. She turned back to watch Ben. He lifted his lightsaber and prepared to strike at one of the few remaining targets.  _Wow_ , she felt sorry for whoever had to clean up the mess when he was done. She watched him, poised to strike the target, his movements were so fluid, and she could see his muscles rippling with the movement under his tight shirt. It was then that she noticed that his cloak and helmet had been thrown off to the side.

* * *

Kylo Ren was prepared to strike, his lightsaber was about to come down on the target, dismantling it from the pole it was attached to, but then he felt something.  _Her_. His back stiffened and he shut his lightsaber off. There was no one there, physically, but he could feel her. He smirked.

"So your lesson in farsight has paid off, I see. Although I don't understand why you would want to spy on me," he told her.

Rey froze.  _He isn't supposed to know that I'm here, Master Luke said as much_ , she thought. He turned and looked right at the spot where she was standing. He slowly, languidly, crossed over to her and reached his hand out. His hand stopped inches from her face. He dropped his hand and she saw it curl into a fist.

"I don't know why I knew you were here. Realistically, I shouldn't. Even force sensitive beings shouldn't sense anything is different when someone far sees them, but I  _did_ ," he said. Rey exhaled the breath that she didn't realize she had been holding.

* * *

"I would greatly appreciate it if you wouldn't spy on me in the future, and I give you my word that I won't spy on you," he said through gritted teeth. She couldn't believe her ears. Was this a dream? Was he being  _nice_?

"Wow, he almost sounds like a gentleman," she muttered.

"And you can almost pass as a lady," he countered.

"You  _heard_  that?" She gasped.

"Unfortunately."

"How?"

"I already told you, I don't know. Apparently when it comes to you, all the rules don't apply," he muttered.  _In more ways than one_ , he silently added. This girl messed with his head in a way that frightened him, and what was worse, his head wasn't the only organ she messed with. It seemed like his whole body reacted to her. Even now it irked him that he couldn't see her, couldn't touch her.

"You're still here," he growled. He couldn't stand it anymore; he had to get rid of her. He turned his lightsaber on and charged full force at the target behind her. If he were lucky, the sudden movement and her shock would be enough to send her away.

* * *

Rey's eyes widened at the sight of him running towards her. He would've cut her in two. Her heart started to race and she began to panic. Her panic was just enough to cause her to lose focus and be sent tumbling back to her reality. She opened her eyes to see the concerned face of Luke staring at her.

"Padawan, what did you see?" He inquired. She took a second to catch her breath before she told him of the adventure her mind had just gone on.

 


	8. Flood of Truth

He had scared her away. And yet, the absence of her warmth and presence didn't bring about the sobering effect he had hoped for. Instead, his thoughts were muddled and his heart was still racing. What was this feeling? Why did she unnerve him? He was dark; she was light, yet when she was with him, it just feels right. When they kissed, it wasn't just an empty kiss. Even in that dream world where life disappeared and imagination ran wild, their kiss felt  _real_.  _Right_. He needed her like he needed air.

* * *

Rey told Luke about what had happened. Now, Luke was sitting back with a moderately perplexed look on his face.

"He felt you? Are you sure?" He asked her.

"Quite sure. He talked to me, and could hear me. I just don't understand it," Rey responded.

"Padawan, I must ask you a difficult question."

"What is it?"

"How much of your past do you remember?"

"I...remember being left on Jakku. That's it."

"How old are you at the time?"

"7. I think."

"So there are 7 years of your life you cannot account for. Interesting."

"Master, why are you asking me about my past?"

"I think...that your memories have been locked away so that you couldn't access them."

"Who would do such a thing?"

"My guess is whoever left you on Jakku."

"Well, how can I access them?"

"You can't. Not on your own at least. You need whoever blocked them to reverse it."

"But I don't know who it is."

"They'll reveal themselves to you in time. Have no fear, Padawan," Luke said with a cryptic smile. Rey stared after his retreating figure.

* * *

Kylo Ren went through the rest of the day in a fog. He knew anger, he knew fear, and he knew hatred. This was different. This made him feel... alive and dangerously human. She kept the darkness at bay. She was dangerous to him, to the empire he wanted to create, just as dangerous as he was to her. He could lure her to him almost as strongly as she could lure him. It would become a battle of strength to see who could reach the top first and cause the other to fall from their grace. He needed to see her, to feel her skin under his fingertips; the sparks that he felt when they touched kept him wanting more. He was reduced to animalistic needs.  _Maybe I am a beast_ , he mused. If that were the case, then she was his beauty. They were two halves of the same whole, and he slowly found himself coming to peace with that, because that meant he could have her. He was  _supposed_  to have her. He sat down on his bed and took off his boots as he thought back to when they first met years and years ago.

* * *

_"Ben, come meet our newest Padawan," Luke called out._

_"Coming, Uncle," a teenaged Ben replied. He was about 15 at the time, dressed in a brown Padawan outfit. His raven hair glistened in the sun as he made his way out into the garden where his uncle was. There, standing behind his mother's legs was a small girl about the age of 5. She was dressed in rags and had dirt all over her face. She peeked out at Ben and ducked back behind his mother's leg when he waved back. She seemed like a pathetic creature, but looks can be deceiving._

_"Ben, this is Rey. She's an orphan, but she's very strong in the force. I found her hiding inside the Senate building for warmth. She happened to use the force on a couple of clones. Your uncle has agreed to take her in, and we decided that you could be her mentor," his mother told him._

_"Me? But I'm not a Jedi. I don't have a right to train a Padawan," Ben protested._

_"You wouldn't be teaching her. Merely helping her practice and maybe showing her some tricks if you see fit. I would still be her teacher, but you know I can't always teach everyone. You're the best I've got and I trust you to help her," Luke informed him. By then Rey had left her sanctuary behind Leia's legs and had made her way to stand in front of Ben._

_"You have a big nose," the five year old giggled. Ben smirked; she was going to be a handful._

_"And you barely have one underneath all that dirt," he responded as he picked her up with the force, "Come, Padawan. You'll have a lot to learn, but first let's get you cleaned up and settled in." Rey stared at him in awe, and from that day forward she rarely left his side until the day the First Order attacked._

* * *

With a slight smile on his face at the memory they shared, Kylo Ren fell asleep with the intent on seeing her again. Kylo Ren slipped into his dream world and decided that this time he'd control the environment. He envisioned the garden at the Jedi temple on Coruscant. Tonight was going to be interesting.

* * *

Rey arrived in their shared dream world to find a garden that was achingly familiar even though she knew she'd never seen it before. Or at least, that she could remember. With those seven years of her life missing, who knows what she's  _actually_  seen or done? She sure didn't.

"You seem troubled," his voice came out to her. She walked forward and found him sitting with his eyes closed in a meditation position on a pedestal. She sat down on the pedestal next to him.

"I'm sorry for earlier, but I had to get rid of you," he told her. She nodded but didn't respond.

Kylo Ren sighed, " _What's_.  _Wrong_."

"Master Luke thinks someone's locked my memories away. If he's right then there's seven years of my life that I can't access unless the person who locked them away suddenly decides to unlock them. It's ridiculous. Who decided that  _they_  had the right to keep  _me_  from the truth about who  _I_  am? Who has that power over anyone but themselves?" Rey fumed as she got up and paced in front of the pedestal. Kylo Ren became silent.

* * *

_She was right_ , he inwardly cursed. He didn't have the write to lock away her memories, but he had done it  _for_  her.

"Will knowing the truth make any difference?" He ventured.

"It will make  _all_  the difference. Master Luke seems to know more than he's telling me, but I feel as though he wants me to figure it out on my own. But how can I do that if I don't know who locked my memories? I don't even know why I'm telling you this. I just... I needed to tell  _someone_  and I've gotten all I can out of Master Luke on the matter," Rey explained as she paced faster. If she keeps going like that, she'll wear a hole in the ground, Kylo Ren mused.

"I did it," he stated. Rey stopped in her tracks.

"What-why-how...?" She sputtered.

"I wanted to spare you from what had happened. You were young and I thought it would be for the best. As for how, I think we both know the answer but I'll say it anyway: I used the force."

"What do you mean ' _spare you from what had happened_ '? What happened? What did you do?"

"Nothing you didn't already know about. The only difference is that you were there."

_"I wasn't."_

" _Yes_ , you were."

"If you blocked my memories, then why don't you unblock them?"

"I can't. I don't know how."

"Fine. If you're telling the truth then who am I  _really_?"

"You're an orphan, a former Jedi Padawan."

"No, I'm  _not_. I  _have_  a family. I waited for them on Jakku," she said emphatically. Kylo Ren got up to walk over to her.

"You  _are_. Doesn't this place seem familiar? It's because  _you_  were there. It's where we first met," he told her as he stopped to stand in front of her.

"You're lying," she said.

* * *

"Look into my eyes, Rey. I swear to you, I'm telling the truth," he vowed. Rey searched his eyes and found that he was indeed telling the truth. Rey felt her knees buckle and collapse under her weight. Kylo Ren sighed and sat down next to her, pulling her head against his chest. He started to stroke her hair as she shook with unshed tears. He kissed her forehead and time just stopped. Rey could feel it in her mind, like a dam breaking as memories came back to her. Memories of her lost years. She cried harder as she relived those events, her hardships, and her struggles. And then she remembered him,  _Ben_.  _Her Ben_. She looked up at Kylo Ren.

"I knew you," she told him simply as he brushed the tears off her cheek.

"You promised me that you would always protect me, and then you  _left_. You were all I had," she said as she pushed him away.

"And now you're all  _I_  have," he responded.

"What makes you think I want anything to do with you now?" She replied with bitterness as she stood.

"Because I know you have to feel the same way I do when we're together," he told her.

Rey had a flashback to when she "first" talked to him.

_"Don't be afraid, I feel it too," he had told her._

That push and pull towards him left her losing her resolve now as she stood in front of this monster who had only ever caused her pain.

"You are darkness," she told him.

"You are light," he whispered.

"We can't," she murmured.

" _Yes_ , we can. You and I, it feels right, doesn't it? Like the universe wants it to be. I want you, Rey. Now that I've found you, I find it harder and harder to forget that little girl I left behind. I find it harder to forget you," he said as he took her face in her hands.

She looked him in the eye and saw no malice there. He was telling the truth. He wanted her, and she did want him. She wanted to feel his lips on hers and reignite that spark between them and be consumed by the ensuing fire. A slight smirk broke out on his face as he realized what she was thinking. He snaked one arm around her and pulled her against him. Then, he slowly leaned down and kissed her with burning passion. He peppered scorching kisses on her jaw and neck before returning back to her mouth. She bit his lip and he moaned, giving her opportunity to explore his mouth with her tongue and fight him for dominance. So feisty, he thought. They pulled away breathless and stood three steps away from each other, but they could still feel the force of attraction pulling them together as they faded away from the warmth of each other in their dream world and back to cold reality of their empty rooms.

* * *

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry for the late post on this. I've been having writer's block for a bit so I started watching Star Wars: The Clone Wars on Netflix. Also, updating this fanfic is quite the process. I actually write it on the memo pad on my phone because I got tired of getting inspiration and then not writing it down and forgetting about it. So I write it there and every time I have a new point of view I switch to another memo. Then, I copy and paste all the fragments into an email and send it to myself. Then, I paste it from that email onto a word document I have going for this so I can check spelling and grammar, and then I copy and paste it here and add finishing touches like italics and the lines to break it up before officially posting. To be honest, your reviews keep me going. I appreciate every review I get. Thanks guys!**


	9. Enough

Rey woke up in her room, wondering whether or not to tell Master Luke about getting her memories back. He had been hiding the fact that he knew her, but he probably had a reason for it, she figured. Master Luke never did things for no reason. With that thought in mind, she resolved to tell him about it over breakfast. She swung her legs over the side of her bed and padded through the halls to the room that was their kitchen. It housed a wood stove and a sizable pantry, but little else. They didn't have a need to keep things cool, and they certainly didn't have electricity in this place, so it didn't matter that they didn't. Rey didn't mind not having things, she was used to the water-made rations on Jakku, and in a way this was a step up. When she walked in, she found Master Luke cutting up some fruit. The smell of freshly baked bread was coming from the stove.

"I trust you slept well, Padawan," Luke said with a slight smile.

"You know, don't you?"

"Know what?"

"That I got my memories back, and more importantly who I got them back from," she responded.

"I had my suspicions, but you confirmed them."

"How did you know that I'd see him?"

"I know my nephew, he was never shy when he wanted something," he told her. Rey could feel her cheeks begin to redden.

"He spared my life," she told him.

"That he did. Which is why we now know he can be saved."

"You didn't know before?"

"He did kill his father and was involved in the killings of countless children, Rey. I don't like to think of anyone as a lost cause, but until you showed up, I was beginning to lose hope," he told her. Rey grew silent at this as she took the bread out of the oven.

"There is always a monster trapped in every man. It would behoove you to remember that. You must also learn that sometimes, the monster wins," Luke informed her.

"Yes, Master, but how do we even begin to try and save Ben?" Rey asked.

"Do or do not. There is no try."

* * *

Kylo Ren woke with a smile on his face. She hadn't forgiven him for the pain he'd caused, and he wasn't really sorry for it either. However, she accepted him as he was. She had kissed him. He would never be truly light, but with her around, he'll never be truly dark either. As he was thinking this, a knock sounded at the door to his chambers.

"Ren, the Supreme Leader wants to see you," Hux called out as he entered.

"You know, the whole point of knocking is to request entrance, not just barge in," Kylo Ren complained.

"Yes, well, if you really didn't want anyone to enter then you'd lock the door," Hux countered.

"How would you like it if I barged in on you in the mornings?"

"Luckily for me, I make full use of the locks on my door so that would never happen."

"People only lock doors to either keep people out or to hide something happening inside," Kylo Ren commented.

"I can assure you that I don't fear anyone on here enough to lock the door for that reason," Hux flippantly replied.

"So that means you're hiding something. Challenge accepted. It's been a while since I went digging through someone's head," Ren said. He reached his hand out and began to sort through the images in Hux's head until he came upon Hux in various...compromising positions with a certain captain.

"So that's why you insisted on training the clones with Phasma..." Kylo Ren mused.

"I can assure you that it was purely the Supreme Leader's will to send me there," Hux said in a strained voice.

"Oh, so did you win her over with your blaster skills and offer her a private lesson instead?" Kylo Ren joked. Hux was beginning to turn red.

"You... forget it. The Supreme Leader wishes to see you immediately," Hux said in a huff as he started to leave, "and stay out of my head!" Kylo Ren chuckled to himself. Hux was always easy to get a rise out of.

* * *

"Master, I don't think that will work," Rey told him plainly.

"You'd be surprised what people will do for love, Padawan," Luke replied.

"What do you mean?"

"My father went to the dark side to save my mother. His love for her caused him to switch sides. Like I said, love is a powerful thing."

"Love isn't always enough," she muttered.

"Oh it isn't? What makes you say that?"

"Look at Han Solo and General Organa. They loved each other and yet they couldn't be happy together."

"They also lost their only son. Children have a habit of complicating things," Luke replied.

"I don't love Kylo Ren," Rey said with a shake of her head, "and even if I did, isn't it against the Jedi code for me to have relations?"

"Yes, it is. However, I never told you I'd be training you to be a Jedi, therefore the code doesn't apply to you," Luke said with a cheeky smile, "besides, technically I already broke the code by having friends and being close to my sister."

"Fair enough. But I still don't love Kylo Ren."

" _No_ , but you love Ben. They're one in the same. You just need to find the bits of Ben in Kylo Ren and help him set himself free."

"How do I do that? "

"That's for you to decide, Padawan."

"I don't know what to do."

"Maybe you should go meditate for a bit, then," Luke suggested.

"Maybe I will," Rey said as she got up and left their compound. She walked deep into a forest located on their island and sat on the edge of a river. She allowed herself to slip into the meditative state and decided to practice her farsight a bit more.

* * *

Kylo Ren found himself standing in front of the Supreme Leader Snoke, or at least in front of a larger-than-life hologram of him.

"Kylo Ren... my apprentice... you have failed me..."

"Supreme Leader, I killed my father and was shot by the Wookie. I did all I could. It will not happen again," Kylo Ren replied with a slight bow of his head.

"You're right... it will not happen again. You will kill her before that happens."

"Kill her? But, Supreme Leader, the girl is powerful with the force. It would benefit us if we had her under our control."

"And if we can't control her... she threatens to destroy all that we have built."

"Master, I don't even know where the girl is."

"Then  _find_  her."

"Yes, Master," Kylo Ren sighed. He felt a familiar presence staring at him, but he knew no one would be there.

_You shouldn't be here_ , he told her through the force.

_You're going to kill me?_  She asked.

_Can we talk about this alone?_  He shot back.

_Fine_.

* * *

Rey followed Kylo Ren through the ship back to his chambers. Everything was metallic and clean. Once the door closed behind them he whirled around to face her.

"I thought I asked you  _not_  to spy on me," he growled.

"I wanted to see you, and I couldn't wait until I fell asleep. Now I'm glad I came since you're going to kill me," she spit back.

"I'm not going to kill you," he grumbled.

"But you said-"

"Rey, I saved you once because you meant the world to me. You still mean a lot to me, maybe more so now than then. I'm  _not_  going to kill you."

"Then what are you going to do?"

"I don't know."

"Ben, come away with me. Come home."

"This  _is_  home."

" _No_ , this is a ship.  _Home_  is where the people who love you are," she reached out and touched his face, "Don't leave me again."

Kylo Ren touched her hand where it rested on his face, "  _I can't_. They'll all hate me."

"Ben-"

"Is  _not_  my name."

"Yes, it  _is_. You're name is Ben. When we were younger, you and I would go on adventures as kids. Do you remember them?"

"Yes."

"Do you remember the first day we met, what you said to me when you found me crying?"

* * *

_How could he forget? He had set Rey up in the room next to his. It was late, but he couldn't sleep. He had the nagging feeling in the back of his mind that something wasn't right, but he didn't know what it was. With a sigh he got out of his bed and peeked into the hall, and then he heard it: a sob. Someone was crying. Ben followed the sound into Rey's room to find her rocking back and forth on the floor while she cried. Ben hesitantly took a step toward her and she looked up at him through big hazel eyes brimming with tears._

_"What's wrong, Rey?"_

_"I had a nightmare," the small girl said. Ben sat down next to her and pulled her into his lap and began to stroke her hair._

_"What happened?"_

_"I was left alone in this terrible place and-and- there was a mean man there. And he told me that I was left there because no one wanted me and I didn't belong."_

_"Look at me, Rey," Ben said as he raised her chin to look at him. The little girl sniffled._

_"Don't let anyone ever tell you that you're unwanted, okay? You are wanted. And you belong here with us," he told her. He was never close to any of the other Padawans at his uncle's temple, but right then he knew that she would be special to him and he would do anything he could to keep her safe._

_"Are you going to leave me, too?" She whispered._

_"Never. Okay, Sunshine?" He promised her._

_"Okay." Ben felt small arms encircle his neck and give him a hug._

_"Now, you should go to bed. You've got a big day ahead of you tomorrow, and I will not go easy on you," he teased as he scuffed up her hair. Rey got back into bed as Ben began to leave._

_"Ben?" She called out._

_"Yeah?"_

_"You promise you won't leave?" She yawned._

_"I promise," he smiled as he left and returned to his room, finally able to fall asleep._

* * *

"Do you remember what you told me?" She asked him again.

"I promised not to leave you," he whispered.

"What?"

"I  _said_ : I promised not to leave you," he emphasized.

"And you left me."

"I  _had_  to."

"No, you didn't. Just like you don't have to stay now."

"It's not that simple."

"Why  _isn't_  it, Ben?"

"Because I chose my side. Some things just can't be undone."

"You're just too stubborn to admit you made a mistake and come back. It's easier for you to continue down this path of destruction than it is for you to make your way back.  _You're a coward_ ," she spat out, and with that, she was gone.

* * *

Rey returned from her out of body experience and ran to tell Luke what happened.

"Master, I  _told_  you it wouldn't work."

"But it already has."

"What do you mean?" Rey asked in confusion.

"He said he wasn't going to kill you. He's already going against everything he thinks he is. It's only a matter of time until he will have to leave because Snoke will tire of his inability to follow orders, and when that day comes, you'll set him free."

"How do you  _know_  that will happen?"

"If the dark side is anything, it's predictable. They don't care very much for inefficiency and like to tie up loose ends," Luke said with a look of certainty.

"What if he doesn't want to come with me?"

"Padawan, you ask too many questions for now. Live in the present. The future is still far off and ever changing. If you focus too much on it, you'll miss the lessons of life that you're supposed to learn today," Luke advised. Rey sighed. She didn't see how this would get her anywhere closer to saving Ben, but she knew better to argue. _Tonight was going to be a long nigh_ t, she grimly mused.

* * *

She had asked him to go with her. Had she really expected him to go? He had a duty to the First Order, and to his grandfather. Although, by now he was beginning to have doubts about what his grandfather would have wanted. He remembered the stories of his grandfather going to the dark side for the sake of love. Could he go to the light side for the same reason? Did he love Rey? He meant it when he said she was all he had, but did he love her or merely needed someone to fill the void? Then again, he had loved her as a child, not romantically, more as a sister, but that had changed. The years spent apart had turned her into a beautiful rose, pretty, but still with thorns for defense. She wasn't the little button-nosed kid he looked after. She had changed. He had changed. He wanted her. But, did he love her? Did she love him? And more importantly, will love be enough for him to give up everything he has?

* * *

**A/N: Not gonna lie, I wasn't entirely sure how this chapter was going to come out. Still not entirely...satisfied with it, I guess. But, I figured if it really truly sucked then I'd redeem myself** **next chapter if you all would just stick with me a little while longer.**


	10. Always

Kylo Ren knew Rey would be mad when she got to their shared dream world, so he decided to take some precautionary measures. He turned the room into what had been her room at the Jedi temple. He even had her old teddy bear lying on her bed. Now, all he had to do was wait. He sat on the bed and levitated the bear around the room in order to fend off boredom.

* * *

Rey fought sleep for as long as she could. She did  _not_  want to see him. What would she say? What would she do? She would just fall back into him, and why shouldn't she? He cared about her. He made that obvious. He wanted her. She wanted him. Why shouldn't they be together in the one place where it was safe? She could be Rey, and he could be Ben. They didn't have to be enemies. They could just be. With that thought in mind, Rey let herself succumb to sleep and welcomed their dream world with open arms.

Rey looked around the room with awe. It was exactly as she had remembered, and then she saw him. He was sitting on what had been her bed while levitating a bear. He noticed her staring and sent the bear to her, bringing it to a stop in front of her. Rey slowly reached out to touch the bear. Once it was securely in her arms, Kylo Ren released his hold on it and stood to walk over to her.

"Oh, Ben..." she said as she took hugged the bear.

"Do you remember when I gave that to you?" He asked her.

"Of course. It was one of the best days of my childhood."

* * *

_Rey and Ben had been stuck inside all week due to the rain. They had been practicing non-stop because Ben and Rey had a test coming up, and if they both passed, then they would advance in rank. And now, today was the day of the test and they stood outside the old Jedi Council chambers._

_"Are you nervous?" Ben asked the little seven year old as she fidgeted beside him. This wasn't her first test, but if she passed then she could officially be Ben's Padawan, and if Ben passed, then he would only be one rank away from being a Jedi knight._

_"No, I'm okay," she responded._

_"I wish I could go in with you," he told her._

_"NO!"_

_"Why not? "_

_"You'll only make me more nervous!" She told him. Ben laughed, and then Master Luke came out._

_"Ben, it's time for your test. Are you ready?" Master Luke asked._

_"Of course, Uncle," he replied as he turned to Rey, "Don't worry, I'll be out soon." Ben gave the young one a wink and was gone. Rey waited for what felt like hours, but it was only about 15 minutes, and then Ben came out looking defeated._

_"It's okay, there's always next time," she said when she saw his face._

_"I know, but next time it'll be a different test, because I passed!" He exclaimed as he laughed at her expression._

_"Ben, you're so mean! I was worried," Rey said with a pout._

_"Don't pout, Padawan. It makes you look like a brat. Besides, it's your turn. I know you'll do great, and when you get out, we'll go on an adventure."_

_"Okay!" She said as she ran in to take her test. Ben was calm for the first five minutes she was gone, but then he began to pace. Rey emerged from her exam to find Ben pacing in a circle._

_"What are you doing? You're going to make yourself dizzy," Rey giggled. Ben stopped his pacing and turned towards her._

_"Well? How'd it go?" He asked._

_"I passed," Rey said like it was nothing._

_"Oh, well that's good I guess," he replied in the same tone. Then, she saw his grin widen into a full-fledged smile as he ran towards her and picked her up. He threw her over his shoulder._

_"I'm so proud of you," he said as he started to spin._

_"Ben, put me_ down _! You're making me dizzy!" She laughed. Ben stopped spinning, but didn't put her down. Instead, he started walking._

_"Where are we going? " Rey asked as she bounced on his shoulder._

_"You'll see."_

_Ben kept walking. He walked down the hall, down the stairs, and out to the hangar. They boarded the Millennium Falcon._

_"Are we supposed to be here? " She asked him._

_"It's my dad's ship. He said I could borrow it when I wanted. Besides, this way he has to spend more time with mom. Now buckle up," he told her as he started the ship and flew them out of the planet's atmosphere. They hit hyperspace and eventually came out around a cluster of moons. They landed on a heavily forested planet and got out of the ship._

_"Ben, why are we here? And where_ is _here?"_

_"This is Endor. My dad told me about how they fought here. According to my mother, there are some really cute living teddy bears that live here."_

_"Ben... do the teddy bears carry spears?"_

_"I don't think so. Why?"_

_"Because there's a teddy bear running towards us with one," she replied as she pointed at the incoming Ewok. Ben prepared himself to fight, but then Rey stopped him._

_"Ben, do you have the translator on you?"_

_"Yeah. Why?"_

_"Maybe we can talk to them."_

_"I don't think there's time for talking," Ben warned as the Ewok came running closer._

_"You're right, this is the time for action!" Rey said as she ran towards the Ewok._

_"Rey, wait!" Ben called out after her, but she didn't stop. She ran right up to the Ewok, and the Ewok stopped running. He tilted his head and looked at her. She pointed to the spear and then to the ground. The Ewok dropped the spear and looked down._

_"Oh, don't be sad!" Rey said as she hugged him._

_"Ben! They're so soft!" She called back to him. The Ewok took her by the hand and led them to their village. Ewoks surrounded them._

_"Is now the time to talk?" Rey asked them._

_Ben took out his translator and spoke into it._

_"We just came to visit. You helped my parents out years ago during a big battle here against the empire," he told them._

_One of the older Ewoks stepped forward and began to speak._

_"We helped the gold one and his friends. Are you their son?" She asked._

_"Yes. My name is Ben, and this is my Padawan, Rey. I've heard stories about here and I wanted to see it for myself," he told them. There was a tense moment, but then the Ewok responded._

_"Well, then you and your friend are welcome here. You must stay for lunch and tell us about what's going on in the galaxy. It's been forever since we've had visitors," she told them. Ben and Rey stayed for lunch and then for two more hours before Ben decided they should go home._

_"But, why?" Rey whined._

_"Because you've been up since early this morning and you look tired. Not to mention we need to get back before my dad realizes his ship is missing," he responded._

_"I thought you said you had permission?"_

_"I lied."_

_"BEN. Jedi_ don't _lie."_

_"Good thing I'm not a full Jedi, then." Rey groaned but followed him back to the ship. They waved goodbye to their new friends and soon found themselves traveling in hyperspace. Once he put the Millennium Falcon on autopilot, he unbuckled Rey's seat belt and carried her back to one of the ship's bunks._

_"But, Ben, I'm not even tired," she said with a yawn._

_"Mhm. Sure. Keep telling yourself that, Padawan. You've had a long day. Get some sleep," he told her as he tucked her in. She yawned and turned towards the wall as Ben walked back to the cockpit. It would take three hours to get back to the Jedi temple, and his dad would be furious that he had borrowed his ship without asking, but he didn't care. It was worth it to see the joy on Rey's face when she hugged that first Ewok. Ben took the ship off autopilot and guided them back home._

_The next morning when Rey woke up, she found herself back in her bed at the Jedi temple. She was beginning to question whether or not yesterday was real, and that's when she saw it: a teddy bear. It was a brown teddy bear with a red ribbon tied around its neck, sitting on the nightstand beside her bed. It had been real. It had all been real._

* * *

"You gave me this as a reminder of our time with the Ewoks on Endor," Rey told him, "You borrowed your father's ship and drove us there. You must have gotten in so much trouble since I didn't see you for three days afterwards, and you never talked about it, but whenever I would bring it up, you'd just wink at me. You never did tell me why you did it."

"I loved making you smile. I still do," he told her with a smirk as he brushed some strands of hair away from her face.

"Rey, I'm sorry about earlier. I wish it were simple and I could just give up everything, but I can't. Not now at least. Maybe not ever, but I'd rather not think that there's no hope for us," he explained as he pulled her in for a hug.

She rested her head on his chest. " _Is_  there an us?" She asked him.

"I want there to be," he sincerely told her. She could feel his want for her wash over her and leave her breathless. She looked up at his face to see that his eyes had gotten dark with desire.

"Do you want there to be an us?" He asked her.

She couldn't breathe, let alone think, with him looking at her like that. Yet somehow, a part of her answered for her, "Yes."

Kylo Ren crashed his lips onto hers. Rey dropped the bear on the ground and weaved her fingers in his hair, pulling his face closer when he tried to pull away. He was walking backwards towards the bed, she realized.

* * *

Kylo Ren sat himself on the bed and pulled Rey into his lap and continued to kiss her. He moaned as she bit his lip and took the opportunity to explore his mouth with her tongue. They were caught in a battle for dominance, and Kylo Ren decided he wouldn't let her win. He kissed her back with such ferocity and passion, almost to the point where she felt like she was drowning in his desire for her. She pulled away breathless.

"Do you feel it?" She asked him in a small voice as she moved to sit next to him.

"The pull?"

"Ben, we're supposed to be together. It's...right."

"I know. What are we going to do?"

"We'll find a way. Won't we?"

"Love always finds a way."

"Do you love me?" She asked him in a hopeful voice.

"Rey, I have always loved you. It hasn't always been in a romantic way, but now it is. I love you. I always have, and I always will."

"Ben?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you too," she said as she captured his lips with hers. She could feel him smile against her. He pulled away from her as they started to fade.

"We'll find a way, Rey. I will never leave you again," he vowed, and with one final kiss, they parted.

 


	11. Resolve

"Master, we have to save him," Rey told Luke as she met him for training.

"I thought you didn't think he  _could_  be saved," Luke slyly replied.

"Well... I was wrong," she innocently said.

"It won't be easy," he warned her.

"Nothing worth doing seldom is," she responded.

"Very well. Your training is almost complete, Padawan. You should be able to return back to the Resistance in a few weeks."

"Will you be coming back with me?"

"I can't."

"But, Master, you've already broken your vow of exile by taking me on as a Padawan. Not to mention, your sister misses you. With Han gone, she needs you more than ever," Rey pleaded. Luke just sighed.

"I'll think about it," he acquiesced.

* * *

Ben  _had_  to think of a way out of the First Order. He couldn't just leave. If he did, they would hunt him down and kill him  _and_  Rey. He wasn't going to let that happen. He did need to find a way to topple the whole organization from the inside without being caught. He'd need the Resistance's help. He needed his mother. Ben found it funny that he had spent years avoiding and hating his family and now he needed them. It was something he never thought he'd need. But would his mother listen to him and help him? Or did she hate him almost as much as he hated himself for killing his father? He needed to try, for Rey, for them, for their future together. He would do whatever he needed to do. And right now, he needed to talk to Rey about his plan. It was too early to go to bed though, but this couldn't wait. She was the only one who could reach both him and the resistance members he needed. Ben sat in a chair in his quarters and thought of how to reach her.  _She used farsight to see me one time_ , he thought, _maybe I could use it to reach her_. With that thought in mind, he cleared his head, pictured Rey and went to her.

* * *

Rey was standing on her hands lifting the rocks surrounding her when she felt him. The suddenness of his presence threw her off and made her wobble, but she drew in a deep breath and recovered. Then she heard him laughing.

"Is  _this_  how my Uncle is teaching you to use the force? " Ben managed to say between laughs. Rey sighed and let the rocks down before righting herself.

"It's for endurance and concentration while multitasking. And it  _works_. What are you doing here, anyway? Was it just too hard to resist me so you came to spy on me?" She asked as she strutted over to him. Ben laughed in response.

"As irresistible as you are, Rey, I'm actually here on business," he replied as she stopped in front of him. Rey rolled her eyes and went to sit on the biggest boulder.

"Oh,  _business_ , of course," she teased, "step into my lair, what can I do for you?" She picked up her nearby canteen and began to take a drink.

"I need you to get me a meeting with my mother." Rey choked on her water.

"You  _what_?" She asked incredulously.

"I need you to get me a meeting with General Organa," he repeated as she felt him sit next to her.

She turned to look at where he would have been, "Ben, you can't just waltz into the Resistance base and expect to be allowed to leave. Hell, you can't just expect to be allowed to _walk in there_  period. Not after everything that's happened."

"I know. That's why I need you to either set up a meeting somewhere else for me and her, or I need you to go talk to her for me."

"How will I know what to say?"

"I'll be there. I can go there just like I'm here with you now and you can tell her what I say. I'd rather see her in person, though. I need to know if she hates me."

Rey sighed, "I think we should talk to your uncle and see what he thinks we should do."

* * *

Ben laid eyes on a man he hadn't seen in over a decade. His uncle looked weary and older, much older, as if the worries of life had sucked the life out of him at times. Ben sighed. He had done this to him.

Luke looked up as his Padawan approached.

"Rey, back so soon? I thought you said you weren't going to be back until the sun was low on the horizon and, I quote, 'my muscles ache and I have to drag myself back'," Luke teased her.

"Tell him," Ben told Rey.

Rey took a deep breath and blurted out, "Ben wants to arrange a meeting with his mother, but doesn't know how to do it."

"Well, that does sound like it would be difficult," Luke replied after a brief pause, "Why didn't you tell me about this earlier?"

"I didn't know about it till now."

"And how exactly did you find out?" Luke asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Ben's here. He used farsight to come," she mumbled. Luke just nodded.

"Well, nephew, if you're up to it, then I say you should face your mother in person. The worst she may do is slap you. She does have a temper some days, but she's still your mother and she loves you."

"Can you ask him if he hates me for all the trouble I've caused?" Ben asked Rey.

"He wants to know if you hate him," she repeated for Luke's sake. Luke turned to where Ben stood almost instinctually.

"My nephew, I don't hate you. Hate is not the way of the Jedi. Besides, you are not the first in our family to fall to the dark side, but, like your grandfather, you can always come back. You are not trapped in darkness."

Ben allowed himself a small smile,  _my Uncle's right_.

* * *

Rey could sense Ben relaxing next to her. He needed this, this resolution and the love of his family. She was happy to have gotten him to this point. She knew what it felt like to be alone, to not have a family to come home to; she wouldn't wish that on anyone. She resolved then to do everything in her power to get Ben a meeting with his mother.

"Well, I should get back to my reality. The last thing I need is for people to start asking questions if I'm gone too long," Ben told her, "See you tonight."

"Goodbye, Ben," she murmured, but his presence had already vanished.

* * *

**Hey Padawans, sorry for the long wait for this chapter. I hit a bit of writer's block and then I was just busy. I was thinking of making a fanfic based off the prequels. Thoughts? As always, reviews would be lovely. Also, I think I might start calling you readers my "Runners" because of my pen name. It's up for debate.**

**Love always,**

**Abbs**


	12. Love Flows Through

"Well, I guess we should call my sister," Luke murmured.

" _Or_  we could go visit her and finish my training back at the base?" Rey offered with a small smile. She hadn't seen Finn and Poe for months and she needed to talk to her best friends about the torrent of emotions she was feeling.

"I'll think about it," he sighed, "in the meantime, go tell Chewie that dinner should be ready in half an hour." With that, the Jedi walked away into the mist towards the kitchen area. Rey knew that fog usually follows behind mist at this time of day and she should find Chewbacca and get back before that happened. The excitement of possibly going back to base propelled her steps towards the Wookiee.

* * *

Ben took a deep breath when he got back to his room.  _What had he just done?_  He was going to  _betray_  Snoke. Would he be able to do it? He had killed his father, but he didn't entirely do that on his own. No, his father had helped him in some way. He  _needed_  to get free of the First Order. He  _wanted_  to be free. He wanted to be with Rey. He was  _supposed_  to be with her. He knew that now. He had gone down a path she could never follow, but he knew that she would never let him walk alone once he had decided to turn back. She would be there. She would support him. She loved him, and he is going to do this for her. He owed it to her to follow through on his promise and never leave her on her own again. Ben was deep in thought when a knock sounded at his door, followed by the sound of someone trying to open the door.

_"Ren, what is the meaning of this?_!" He heard Hux yell from the other side. Ben smirked.

"I took your advice and locked my door for once," he called back as he went to open the door.

"I thought you said that people only locked their doors to either keep people out or to hide something happening inside," Hux responded, "Then again, I do suppose having me barge in half the time is enough reason to lock your door since I pointed it out."

Ben let out a breath that he didn't realize he had been holding.  _Hux is still clueless_ , he thought.

"Yes, well, I figured that maybe for once you were-"

"Right. I was right."

"Unfortunately. So, to what do I owe this  _pleasure_ , General?"

"We placed a tracker on the Millennium Falcon back on Starkiller base. We know where they are now," Hux informed him. Ben's hand tightened on his helmet he had picked up.

"Does Master Snoke know?"

"Not yet. I figured you could use some of your magic to see if it's worth looking into," Hux sniffed.

"It's called the  _force_ , General. And yes, I will look into it. Who has the coordinates now?" He asked as he put on his helmet.

"Command has it up in the bridge. I could just send you the coordinates, you know."

"I'd prefer to look at it on the full scale table, if you don't mind," Ben said somewhat bitterly. If he wanted to keep up appearances, he might as well be more public about his involvement in First Order affairs for the time being.

"As you wish," Hux sighed.

* * *

_Master Luke had been quiet throughout dinner, too quiet_ , Rey thought.

"Portion for your thoughts?" Rey asked her mentor, earning her a grin as he stared into the fire. Chewie and Artoo had retired for the night and the remaining two took to having a cup of caf around the fire.

"Is it about your sister?" Rey ventured.

"Very perceptive, Padawan."

"You're worried about going home. "

"I left her by herself when she needed someone."

"You think she resents you for it," Rey stated.

"And why shouldn't she? She thought she was alone when Alderaan was destroyed, then she had Han and me and we left her, too."

"You're her family and she loves you. She just wants you back. Surely, deep down, you  _know_  that," Rey pleaded.

"But is love enough to forgive me for leaving?"

"In my experience, it is, but you'll never know unless you try," Rey reminded him as she finished her caf.

" _Do or do not. There is no try._ "

"Then  _do_. And if you'll excuse me, my bed is calling me. Good night, Master," Rey said as she started to walk off.

"Tell my nephew that we're going to see his mother tomorrow mid rotation. I'll be waking you up early, you know how long it takes to get there, but you can sleep on the Falcon." Rey felt a grin spread across her face as she skipped off towards her room. She was going home.

* * *

Ben had studied the maps and reached out through the force for hours. There was no mistake, that was where Rey and his Uncle were. If he lied, no one would know. Or he could warn them and have them leave before he inevitably arrived. If he lied and Snoke found out, he would be killed. It'd be best for him to just warn them and then tell Snoke they had left before he got there. That way, he'd still be loyal in a way, and Snoke wouldn't be able to sense a lie. He eventually made it back to his chambers and barely managed to undress and make it to bed before exhaustion from using the force for so long kicked in.

* * *

Rey was proud to have gotten there first for once. Now she could make it look like however she wanted it to, and she knew exactly what she was going to do. She closed her eyes and suddenly a meadow next to a river appeared. The sun was shining down and warmed her face as a breeze danced through her hair. She had taken a shower before going to bed so her hair was free for once instead of in her signature buns. Rey giggled and spun around with her arms out. It was just as she remembered.

* * *

"My grandmother's home world. Nice choice," Ben commented as he appeared. Rey abruptly stopped spinning and stumbled from dizziness. Ben reached a hand out to steady her.

"Do you remember the last time we were here? It was right before you left," she prodded.

"Of course I remember that. It was one of the last happy memories I have before...Kylo Ren happened."

* * *

_Rey was about seven now, but Ben could've sworn she was going on 70. She carried herself with an air of someone who was older than her years, but if she and Ben were alone then the giggly small child came out to play. Ben had gotten his orders from Master Snoke and plans to take down the Jedi temple were in motion, so Ben wanted to take one last trip with Rey before he never saw her again. Ben figured that a trip to the world where his grandmother had been queen would be a nice trip for them. This trip was going to be a two-day trip. Day one would be the city where the castle was and day two would be the rural countryside where his grandmother actually came from. Day one had been more sight seeing and historical learning. Now it was day two and he and Rey were having a picnic in a field by a river. Rey was levitating her food around the picnic blanket._

_"If you play with your food instead of eating it then you won't get the nutrients you need to be a strong Jedi," Ben teased. Rey threw a grape at his face._

_"I'm too happy to eat! It's so pretty here, and peaceful."_

_"I know. My grandmother must have loved it here."_

_"I want to get married here some day."_

_"Rey, you're only seven."_

_"I know. But it's so_ pretty _! I want to get married here with a floofy dress with a belt for my lightsaber." Ben chuckled at the thought of that._

_"Oh yeah? And who are you gonna marry, oh amorous wee one?" He teased._

_"I don't know yet. Maybe I'll marry my Ewok bear."_

_"You can't marry a stuffed animal."_

_"Why not?"_

_"When people get married, it's because they love each other."_

_"Well. I love my bear and my bear loves me," Rey defended._

_"Yes, but-" Ben stopped to pinch the bridge of his nose and sighed._

_"But what?" Rey asked with big eyes full of curiosity._

_"You don't marry a stuffed animal. You marry another person."_

_"Oh." She sounded defeated._

_"What's the matter?"_

_"What if someone doesn't love me?"_

_"People will love you."_

_"How do you KNOW?"_

_"Because I love you," Ben said as he ruffled the girl's hair._

_"Will you marry me, Ben?"_

_"It's not that kind of love, Sunlight."_

_"What kind of love is it then?"_

_"You're like family."_

_"Oh."_

_"Now what's wrong?" Ben sighed._

_"What if no one ever loves me like that?"_

_"Someone will."_

_"How do you KNOW?"_

_"Because. "_

_"Because why?"_

_"Because I said so."_

_"BEN."_

_"Yes, Rey?" The seventeen year old chuckled._

_"I love you, too." She said as she pecked him on the cheek._

_"Oh really?" Ben said with a mischievous grin as he picked up the seven year old._

_"BEN. PUT. ME. DOWN."_

_"Oh, I will, in the river," Ben said as he jumped in with her still over his shoulder. Ben emerged on the surface and shook his hair out of his face as a sputtering seven year old popped up beside him and splashed him in the face._

_"You're so meaaaaaan," Rey complained._

_"But you love me," Ben teased._

_"I take it back," Rey pouted as she swam back to riverbank and crawled out._

_"Sunshine, don't mope," Ben called after her, but she continued walking. Ben scrambled out of the water after her._

_"Rey, wait!" He called after her, "I'm sorry." He reached her and pulled her into a bear hug._

_"Ben, I'm cold."_

_"Are you still mad at me?"_

_"No."_

_"Promise?" He couldn't bare the thought of the one person he cared about being mad at him._

_"Promise," Rey said as she cracked a small smile. They returned back to the cottage they were staying at and huddled on a sofa in front of a fire with some warm blue milk. Rey eventually fell asleep curled up beside him. Ben didn't want to move her since her room was colder than the living room, so instead he went into her room, retrieved her blanket and pillow and came back out. He covered her with her blanket and gently lifted her head to slip her pillow underneath. Rey stirred slightly._

_"Ben?" She murmured._

_"Yeah?"_

_"I didn't actually take it back you know."_

_"Take what back?"_

_"My love," she mumbled as she turned over and went back to sleep. Ben felt himself smile a sad smile as he realized just how much he would miss her. In the morning he made her breakfast and flew them home._

* * *

That day was only a few days before the attack on the temple.

"You look troubled," Rey told him.

"And you have been spending too much time with my uncle. You're starting to talk like him," he teased, " So why Naboo?"

"It's gorgeous aaaaaand," she said as she pulled him by the hand towards the river, "I wanted some payback!" With that said, she pushed him in with a huge grin. Only, he didn't come back up. Rey waited a few seconds before completely losing her feeling of triumph to have it be replaced with worry and guilt.

"Ben?" She called out. No answer. She began to panic and jumped in after him. She frantically searched for him until she felt arms enclose around her and she was propelled to the surface. As the she gasped for breath, she turned around to face her captor and saw Ben.

"You had me worried sick!" She yelled at him.

"You came after me," he stated in disbelief.

"Well of course I'd come after you. What happened?"

"I dislodged a rock from the bottom when I fell and it trapped my leg," he explained.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt? Ben, I'm so sorry," Rey said as she hugged him tightly.

"I'm okay," he responded as he swam them over to the edge and helped her up the bank. Rey started to fade away as he held her.

"Rey! Wait, before you leave, I need to tell you that the First Order placed a tracker on the Falcon. You need to leave wherever you are as soon as you can," he quickly informed her. Rey was see-through now and she kissed his cheek.

"Don't worry. We're going back to your mother in the morning. Take care of yourself. I love you," she managed to get out before she faded away. Ben breathed a sigh of relief before sitting down on the ground. For once, the scenery didn't fade away with her.

* * *

**A/N: Hello Runners, I'm so sorry for taking forever to upload this. I've been balancing theatre rehearsals and AP coursework, but on the upside I passed my road test today. So YAY! As always, reviews are always appreciated and might motivate me to update sooner. Thank you to everyone who's still reading this. Love to all,**

**Abbs**


	13. Moving Forward

Rey awoke to find Luke and the others already on the Falcon. Chewbacca was preparing them for take off.

"Did you get any sleep last night, Padawan? I understand that those dream encounters can keep the participants from actually getting rest, depending on what they're doing," Luke teased. Rey blushed.

"I-I um. I got a decent sleep for the amount of sleep I was allowed to get. I didn't sleep for very long because you said you wanted to leave early," Rey replied.

"The sooner we leave, the sooner we see my sister," Luke responded, "We're taking off soon, but if you want to sleep while we're in hyperspace, go ahead." Rey nodded before sitting down behind them. Artoo chirped beside her.

" _No_ , I haven't flown in a while," Luke replied. Artoo emitted a series of beeps again.

"Artoo, I'm fairly certain that I haven't lost the ability to fly. However, I would appreciate it if you kept your negative thoughts to yourself. If you think you can do better, then why don't  _YOU_  fly the ship?" Luke responded with a slight attitude. Artoo started to roll over towards the panel to fly, but Luke glared at him. In response, Artoo slid back over to Rey and shuffled.

"Master, that wasn't very Jedi-like," Rey teased. Luke just sighed in response.

After making sure that everything was set for take off, Luke told everyone to buckle up and began the ascent into space. He maneuvered them into the hyperspace channel with ease.

"What were you saying about my flying, Artoo?" Luke asked with a smirk. The droid just repeatedly ran itself into the wall while the others laughed.

"If you don't mind, I think I'm going to go sleep now," Rey said as she made her way back towards the bunks. She crawled in and closed her eyes, knowing that Ben wasn't going to be there waiting for her. It was weird without him, but peaceful. Her dreams were full of memories from Jakku, none of the bad ones. Mostly her memories consisted of the ones of her learning how to fly. She slowly relived every moment that led up to the here and now.

* * *

Ben woke up to find Captain Phasma in his room. Odd, he thought.

"What are you doing here?" he asked with raised brow.

"General Hux sent me to inform you that he wishes to send an expedition to that planet immediately to capture the girl and kill the Jedi," she answered. Her voice was mechanic due to the helmet on her head.

"Yes, well. Inform the ginger that I'll be in the hangar within the hour," he said as swung his legs over the side of his bed. He waited until Phasma had left before going to get dressed.

After he got ready, he made his way to the hangar to board his command ship. They had only been flying for 20 minutes and he was already bored. Ben knew they wouldn't find anything, but regardless, he had to go in order to keep up appearances. He was glad for once that he wore the mask. It could hide his disinterest. He smirked as he remembered why he originally donned the helmet. It was partly in homage to his late grandfather and partly as a way to distance himself from Ben Solo and become a man people feared. People feared what they couldn't connect with. The mask had kept him from doing that for years.  _Until Rey came along_. He still couldn't believe that that girl could just waltz into his life and undo all of the bad choices he'd made. He couldn't say no to her, and to be honest, he didn't want to. He would do anything for her. Which is precisely why he was sitting here on his command ship with his Knights of Ren speeding towards a dead end lead. He failed to protect her once. He would not make that same mistake again. Ben leaned his head back against the wall of the ship and allowed his eyes to close, not in sleep, but in meditation. He needed to think through his plan to break free of the First Order. He needed to figure out what to say to his mother.

* * *

**A/N: I AM SO SORRY THAT I HAVEN'T UPDATED THIS IN LIKE 2 MONTHS. I'm graduating next month and I've had AP exams and I fell into another fandom and started writing one-shots for that because it's easier to write a one hit wonder than plan out a chapter, so I apologize for neglecting FoA. I promise to try to update a bit more regularly. Thank you to everyone who's stuck with me through my impromptu hiatus. Love always.**


	14. Passing By

When Ben landed on the planet that his Uncle had called home for so many years, he felt odd. It felt so empty, so deserted, so _lonely_. His Uncle had been living here for years in self-inflicted solitude. It was then that Ben realized what he had done to his family.  _He_  had torn them apart,  _he_  had forced his Uncle to live a life like this. His Uncle was a man who loved him unconditionally, and yet he had forced him to feel so alone and unwanted. Ben vowed to spend the rest of his Uncle's life making it up to him. He sent his knights out to scour the rest of the planet even though he knew they wouldn't find anything. While they were gone, he explored the bit of rock he was on. He found what had been her room. The cot in the corner must have served as her bed. It was pretty barren, but then again, Rey lived a simple life. Ben walked over to her bed and sat down. It was harder than his bed, but probably softer than whatever she'd been used to on Jakku. Ben suddenly was struck with an idea. He closed his eyes and felt around with the force to make sure he was alone. Then, when he was positive that it was only him in the near vicinity, he took his mask off before bringing her pillow to his face and inhaling deeply. He was right, it did smell like  _her_. It smelled like sun and hope. Ben put the pillow back on the bed before putting his mask back on. With a sigh, he got up and left her little room. He walked back to the base of the island to meet up with his men.

"There's no one here," one of the knights said.

"Looks like a dead end," another agreed. Ben knew he had to keep up appearances and be surprised and annoyed. He ignited his light saber and hacked up a nearby tree before turning back to his knights.

"Are you sure you looked everywhere?" he asked.

"Affirmative," the first one replied.

"If they were here, they must've left," the other added. Ben let out what he hoped sounded like an aggravated sigh.

" _Ready the ship to leave_ ," he ordered.

"Yes, Sir," they replied before leaving to the ship. Ben breathed a sigh of relief. They'd bought his act. Would Hux?

* * *

Rey awoke when they landed at the rebel base. She was barely off the ship before she got tackle hugged by Finn and Poe. BB8 wasn't too far behind.

"Rey! You're alright!" Finn said into her hair.

" _You're one to talk!_  The last time I saw you, you were on death's door," Rey teased.

"Poe nursed me back to health," Finn told her as he let go.

"Oh did he, now?" Rey raised a brow at the two men.

"I didn't do much…" Poe said as he scratched his neck.

"That's not what the nurses told me when I woke up," Finn shot back, "they told me that he was by my side whenever he was on base and he'd ask the nurses if he could help."

"Aw, that's so sweet," Rey teased Poe.

"I would do it for any one of my friends," Poe tried to deflect.

"Oh, I don't doubt it," Rey laughed, "Well, care to give me the grand tour? A lot's changed since the last time I was here."

~0~

The trio went around the base, finally ending at Rey's quarters.

"And this is your room. If you need anything, Poe and I are in the room across the hall," Finn told her.

"You two share a room?" her eyebrow raised.

"The base is crowded," Poe explained.

"Then how come I'm not sharing a room? Mine doesn't even have two beds," Rey said.

" _More guys than girls_ ," Poe quickly responded.

"Okay…" Rey said not buying it for a second. However, she wasn't going to push them for answers.

"It's getting late. I know you probably slept on the way here, but I'd suggest trying to go to bed at a normal time to get over the ship lag," Poe advised.

"Will do. Thanks, Poe," Rey said as she closed the door behind her. She flopped down on her bed and sighed. This was softer than her last bed. How was she supposed to sleep on this? Rey rolled over on her side. She wondered what Ben was up to. She was worried about him. She didn't know how well he'd be able to keep up his act, and the last thing she wanted was for him to get hurt when she couldn't be there to help him. She knows he'd never let her protect him, but she at least want to be by his side to help him fight his battles. He'd been on his own long enough. She had too, come to think of it. Rey took her shoes off and stripped down to the bare minimum before sliding under her covers. Maybe the softness wasn't so hard to get used to. She could already feel her body getting used to the way it fit around her curves and cradled her. It was kind of like someone cuddling her. With a smile on her face, she began to drift off into the night.

* * *

**A/N: Well guys, another chapter. I also finally updated my Labyrinth fic today after over a year, so if any of you guys are into the Labyrinth, feel free to check that out**


	15. Talk of Future

Rey opened her eyes to find their shared dream world and someone actually cuddling her.

"Morning, sleepy," Ben teased.

"Is it really morning if we're both asleep?" she chuckled.

Ben sighed and rolled to lay on his back, "No, I suppose it's not. I like to think about what it'd be like to finally wake up together though."

"Soon," she told him as she gently traced her fingers up and down his arm. "How are things at the base?"

"It's getting harder to keep up appearances. The mask helps though. I'm just worried about Hux and Snoke buying it. I feel as though Hux has his suspicions, and Snoke is… all-knowing," Ben grimaced.

"Be careful. What are you going to do tomorrow when you talk to your mother?" she asked.

"I'm going to lock myself in here and throw things around for a bit to make them think I'm still upset over today's failure," he smirked.

"I'd hate to be the person to pick up after you," Rey chuckled.

"Just imagine what our kids will be like," he said before thinking. His eyes suddenly widened as he realized what he'd implied.

"Rey, that's not…" Ben started rambling as he struggled to recover. Rey just smiled before kissing him.

"I'm sure  _our_  kids will be cute. I want two," she smirked.

" _Two_?"

" _Two_."

"Okay," he smiled.

"A boy and a girl."

"Rey, you can't control that, even  _with_  the force," he said as he caressed her face.

"A girl can dream, can't she?" she smirked.

"Whatever you say."

"Ben?"

"Hmm?"

"Can we just… forget about the outside world for a bit?" Rey asked as she sat up.

"What do you mean?" Ben asked as his brow furrowed. He sat up with her.

"I mean, it's just the two of us. Why not enjoy it for once without worries?" she suggested as she sat in his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her eyes bore into his with intensity. He noticed the golden flecks in her eyes before he looked down at her lips. He swallowed as he took in the magnitude of what she meant.

"Are you sure?" he asked her.

"Ben, we're in a dream world. What possible repercussions could come?"

"Rey,  _nothing_  works the way it should for us," he pointed out. Rey slowly leaned down and closed the distance between them before she kissed him. Ben's arms wrapped around her waist to pull her flush against him as they kissed. He then kissed down her jaw to her neck before gently biting the exposed skin there. Rey gasped at the sudden feel of his teeth on her skin. Ben's hands slid up her back under her shirt, causing Rey to bite back a groan at the contact.

"How can something unreal feel so real?" she asked.

"I don't know, but it feels…"

" _Amazing_ ," Rey replied before taking his face in her hands and kissing him. Rey started to shimmer in front of him as a faint banging could be heard. Ben groaned as she pulled away.

"Rey, you're waking up," Ben complained.

"I'm sorry. The knocking sounds urgent. It's got to be important. Besides, if all goes well then we'll be able to do this for real soon enough," Rey told him before kissing his forehead. Ben kissed her one last time before she left. He flopped back onto the bed and looked up at the ceiling.

"That girl will be the end of me," he sighed.

* * *

**A/N: I AM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT. I graduated and then had orientation and I have a job now. Here's some fluff to make up for it.**


	16. Traitors

Rey stretched as she woke up to find her bedroom at the base filling her vision. The knocking however, was not ceasing anytime soon.

"Coming," she groaned as she swung her legs over the edge of her bed. She opened the door to find Poe, mid-knock, in front of her door.

He then proceeded to push Rey back into her room and close the door behind them. " _Is it true?_ " he demanded.

"Is what true?" She asked.

"Kylo Ren. You talk to him. I overheard General Organa speaking with Master Luke," Poe stated. Rey shifted awkwardly. She had known that this conversation would have to happen eventually. She just hoped she'd have more time.

"I'll take your silence as an affirmative. How the hell can you talk to that  _monster_? He injured your best friend and put him in a coma.  _He KILLED Han Solo_ ," Poe said with force. He was trying not to raise his voice at her, but the anger in his tone was unmistakable.

"He's not all bad, Poe. Ben is just trying to right his wrongs," she said in defense.

" _Ben_? Oh you're on real name basis with him now, huh?  _That's just great, Rey._  Why don't you just go join him on his spaceship with Snoke then, if you two are so close?" he bit out.

"Poe, I didn't plan on befriending him, okay? It just happened, and I'm glad I did. He's trying to change.  _It's people like you that are keeping him from trying,_ " she argued back.

"Oh, so it's our fault that he's a muderer? _Is that it?_ " Poe shot back.

"I never said that! I'm just saying that up until recently he didn't want to even try and change because people would react the way you are right now.  _He's a human being, Poe._  Humans make mistakes. They pick the wrong side. They're  _allowed_  to change," she pleaded.

" _Oh my god,_ " Poe said in shock as he finally picked up on the elephant in the room.

"What?" Rey asked in confusion.

"You're in love with him," he accused as his eyes widened. He began to back away from her.

"Poe, what are you doing?" She asked as she walked towards him.

"Don't come near me. For all I know, you could be plotting with him to take down the resistance from within. You're a traitor, Rey. Stay away from Finn. He doesn't need to be put in anymore danger through his association with you," Poe spit out before leaving in disgust.

Rey felt her legs give out beneath her as the weight of his accusations hit her in full. Was she a traitor? Through loving Ben Solo and trying to help him break free from the First Order, did she condemn herself within her own alliance? She crashed to the floor as tears threaten to spill over her cheeks. No, she wasn't wrong to love Ben. Poe and the others didn't hate Ben, they hated Kylo Ren. They weren't the same.  _They weren't_. She knew that. She needed to hold onto that as the truth.

* * *

Ben sat up straight in his bed. He felt as though someone had stabbed his chest. After Rey had left their world, he had continued to sleep, knowing full well that he needed rest. Then, out of nowhere, he felt an ache in his chest. It hurt to the point where tears pricked his eyes.  _What is this pain?_  He thought. Then he realized what it was:  _Rey_. These must be her feelings. Ben felt relieved for a second to know that he wasn't dying, but his reprieve from worry didn't last long. He knew that he had to see what was wrong with Rey. He couldn't leave her alone to deal with this pain. He had felt like this before on his own. No one deserved to go through that alone, especially her. He cleared his mind and thought of her, not expecting the sight that soon graced his senses. She was on her knees on the floor. Sobs wracked her body as she buried her face in her hands. Ben couldn't help himself. He ran towards her and held her against his chest.

"Shhhhh. It's okay. You're okay," Ben comforted as he smoothed her hair. Rey leaned against him, wishing she could see him.

"They think I'm a traitor," she whispered.

"Who does?" Ben asked.

"At least Poe, but soon, others will think the same, too," she sniffed. Ben kissed the top of her head.

"You're not a traitor, Rey.  _I'm the traitor_ ," he sighed. He was causing her problems, and he couldn't be there to solve them.

"Ben, it'll be okay, right? It'll all work out, won't it?" She asked as she rubbed the residual tears from her eyes.

"Yes, Rey. We'll make it through. Don't worry about it," he reassured her as he cupped her cheek. "When are you meeting with my mother?"

"In an hour," she replied.

"Alright," he said as he helped her up. He then looked to see her state of undress, "Well… maybe you should get dressed first and take a shower. It'll make you feel better. Get something to eat, too. But go with my uncle. No one will give you any trouble if you're with him. Call me whenever you need me."

"Don't you mean when I need you?" Rey asked in confusion.

"No. From now on, call me whenever you need me.  _I'll be there_ ," he told her.

"Don't make promises you can't keep," she said in a small voice.

"I don't plan on breaking this one," he said with determination before letting himself crash back into his reality.

* * *

Rey felt him leave, an emptiness consuming her room. He had made her a promise, and a strong one at that. However, she wouldn't abuse his words. She'd only call on him when she absolutely needed him. In all honesty, she was shocked that he had come to her rescue this time. This proved that he had changed, right? She would show the world that Kylo Ren was no more. She just had to.

* * *

**A/N: Hello, lovelies! So, I am so sorry for not updating. I have entered the realm of college and honestly, I have barely any free time most days. I will try to update at least once a month these days, though. I think I can keep up with that. Thanks to anyone still reading this. 3**


End file.
